my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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