I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
