she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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