you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
