please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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