This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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