we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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