i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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