the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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