Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
