If i come over, it means nothing
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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