would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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