she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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