if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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