Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
