I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
