please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
