God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
