I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
