I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
