he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
