Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
