There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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