Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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