According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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