make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
