I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
