I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
