There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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