Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
