I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
