My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
