Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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