sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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