Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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