I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
