I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
