You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
