forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
