so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
