youre lurking in front of me
i will never coherently bang her
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
