I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
