Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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