p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize