if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
