don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
