We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
