i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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