Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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