goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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