census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
