Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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