Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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