yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
two words...techno handjob
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
