u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
