I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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