mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
