i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
