she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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