Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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