id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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