My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
