so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Holy sore nipples Batman
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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