You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
two words...techno handjob
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize