i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm at about main and main street
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
