I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
