Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
