I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
