Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Buhtt sex?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
