Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
