He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
