Pants 0. Shit 1.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
