I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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