bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
