you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
