when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
