another moral hangover. fuck.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
