the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
