Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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