accomplished twins. life is a go
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
