i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize