rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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