She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
