he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
