you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
