You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
