it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
