it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize