Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
