I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
