My room smells like vodka and shame
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize