I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
