My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
