Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
