i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize