I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
