this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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