Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
