drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
