I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
