can u get pink eye on your cock?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
