I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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